I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize