And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
