R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
