All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
