I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
