your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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