And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
