I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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