i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
