I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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