if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
