i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
