he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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