FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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