she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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