i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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