Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
