yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
