she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
