The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
