I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
