i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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