Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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