True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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