Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
