i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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