if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
