he told me I talked like a deaf person
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
That accounts for only three of the penises
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Oh god it's open bar.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
