I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
