FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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