well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
