thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
