I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
