this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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