We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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