i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
