I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
