So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
