i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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