Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
