Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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