A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
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