paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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