HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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