New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
