I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
