He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
not ubering you a puppy
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
