Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
