Where is the hickey?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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