Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
