Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
