But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
