Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
