the condom got lost in my hair
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
