I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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