I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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