Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
