If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
