There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
