I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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