Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
