Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
