On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
