She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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