I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
