you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize