I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
