Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
