the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
