At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
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